You’ve really only ever been good at two things as far as I could tell. Engineering and breaking my heart. I don’t know too much about the prior even though I spend my eight-to-five’s fingering through blueprints with papercut tips and mailing sealed proposals to small-city big-wigs with dollar amounts printed on them that seem something of a fairy tale exaggeration. And I’ve always admired the way the indigo ink dusts almost every wall in the office. But I know a lot about my heart and the condition you left it in. It’s mostly because you looked me in the eye while you fucked me. My heart had been broken a million times (this isn’t so much fairy tale exaggeration as it is nightmarish truth) before I ever took this job but come to find out, eye contact during sex has a lot more significance in the moving on process than I had known.
Your shoulders haunch forward while you work and it looks mystical but all I can think of is the spot on your desk where I’d sit with my legs opened slightly. You got really good at working the mouse with one hand but I don’t consider that to be number three. That was still only a part of the second thing you’ve master. The breaking of my heart. And you know this just as well as I do. And so do they; our wild-eyed coworkers with their wispy puffs of gossip over sugar with coffee from paper cups. They know it all. The couch in the ladies room, the desk and the dummy cameras that they so desperate wish were real. They’d all love their own copy of our tape, I’m sure of it. I’ve heard it whispered by the heavy-set girl who sits out back.
“Can you imagine?” she says. And I can imagine. I bet you can too. All of their eyes on us, their mouths agape just a bit while a grainy black and white flickering fuck-film plays out before them in the computer room. It’s what you always wanted. Attention and recognition. The pride of corruption.
I’m willing to bet that if I cared to ask, you’d say that you’ve really thrown yourself into your work lately. Your Engineering degree has really been doing you and your wallet well, you’d say. And I’d feign happiness, as I always did. I guess that’s one of the things I’ve always been good at.
I hear there’s a big job coming up in downtown Boston. A high school that could really use a reworking. If you need me to handle any of the blueprints, just let me know. I’d be more than happy to help you out.
But if you’re not interested, that’s just fine. I suggest you may want a hobby to occupy your time though. There’s a whole world out there filled with things you could be good at. I think it may be time you expand your horizons. So to speak.