Streaming February

I sometimes do silly-silly child-like things.  I blow bubbles into my peppermint tea through a cinnamon stick.  I chew my bottom lip.  I spike my hair straight up with lavender shampoo in the shower. 

But then sometimes, I do serious-sullen adult-like things.  I pay the phone bill two-days early by check and I buy my own stamps  by the book-full.  I read the directions and separate my laundry.  I drink my coffee black and I vote.

And some days I just sit on the edge of the bed.  I pile my hair up on my head and then take it down.  I crack the bones in my feet against the hardwood floorboards and then I go right back to sleep.  Those are the days that I can’t find the balance.  It’s the popping sounds my shoulder blades make as they’re dislocated from the tugging on either side that both lulls me and then wakes me suddenly. 

Some days I am unsure of me.  Some days I am unsure of anything at all.